If your autistic child is being mean to others it can be extremely distressing for all concerned.

In this article we explain why this behaviour may be happening and crucially what you can do about it.

Autism and being mean

As we know autism is a complex condition and its presence can manifest in a wide range of behaviours.

One of the more challenging things as a parent is if your child is mean or even violent to others.

Whilst every child is different here are some things to consider when trying to address the issue;

Identify triggers

Probably the most important thing to do would be first learn to understand the issue.

You can gain insight into why your child may be being mean to others by keeping a log of when and where they are doing so.

You may notice a pattern such as your child being hungry, thirsty or tired.

Or it could be that it was when he or she was at a particular venue or event.

Whatever the triggers try to keep a running log going, often a note on your phone is the easiest way of doing so.

Work on communication

Obviously all children are different but a common reason for an autistic child being mean would be out of frustration.

They could well be frustrated because they are unable to communicate their wants and needs.

Consider and be open to different forms of communication such as picture cards or makaton as they could lead to a breakthrough.

Teach your child about empathy

Some autistic children struggle with understanding empathy. Depending on the level of your child’s communication you could try and teach them the concept of having empathy in others.

Using something like a stuffed animal at an appropriate moment you could explain that the toy is hurt and sad (using picture cards as necessary).

Or you could fein an injury yourself after a negative interaction with your child and explain that you need medical treatment.

You could incorporate using something like a kids doctors kit.

The point here is that your child may not understand the connection between their actions and causing distress to others.

If you can explain to them that being mean is an undesirable behaviour then that may stop them in the future.

Reward good behaviour

If your child goes a session or a period of time where they are kind to other children then be sure to praise them accordingly.

For example if they have previously been mean to other children at a soft play but on this occasion didn’t, praise them and perhaps stop for ice cream on the way home.

Don’t be afraid to discipline

Speaking from experience I always struggled disciplining my daughter. I usually thought that she was unlikely to understand the link between the behaviour and the discipline.

Whilst that is sometimes the case you could operate a schedule of trial and error in terms of discipline.

Perhaps if your child is mean to another then you take away or hold back something which they want.

I appreciate this could lead to a meltdown but it could also lead to a eureka moment where they associate the two.

Seek help

If therapy is an available option then I would recommend it.

Behavioural therapists are trained and experienced in dealing with challenging behaviour such as hitting other children.

I would also recommend you take notes while the therapist is present so you can repeat some of the methods they employ.

Take care of yourself

If your child is mean to others then it is heartbreaking in so many ways. As hard as it may be try not to feel too down about it.

Your child needs just a little bit more help to adjust to the difficulties of human interaction and it will likely come with time.

Summary – Autistic child mean to others

It is very difficult for parents if their child is being mean to others. Ultimately the way to overcome this behaviour will vary depending on your child’s needs and level of understanding.

There are however some things you can try including, identifying triggers, using positive reinforcement, creating a structured environment, and teaching alternative behaviours.

It’s important to work closely with a healthcare professional who can provide individualised guidance based on your child’s specific needs.