If your autistic child always wants to be first you are not alone, it’s actually quite a common behaviour. In this article we examine why your child may act in this way and what you can do about it.

Autism and wanting to be first

Parenthood is a journey filled with unique challenges and rewarding moments.

For parents raising an autistic child, the path might appear a little different, yet it is no less meaningful.

One behaviour that may stand out is your child’s constant desire to be first.

This can manifest in very different ways and very different circumstances. Some examples of this desire have been as following;

• Being first to be served food
• Being first to get in the car
• Being first to walk in the front door
• Being first to walk out of the front door
• Being first into school
• Being first into the bath
• Being first on a park apparatus
• Being first playing video games
• Being first in queues

While all of these behaviours can also be common in neurotypical children, in autistic children they can develop into a troublesome habit.

In this article, we will delve into why autistic children often exhibit this behaviour and offer guidance on how to navigate the issue.

Need for routine

Autistic children thrive on routine and predictability.

The world can often be overwhelming for them, and establishing a sense of order provides comfort and security.

The desire to be first can stem from their need to control their environment and reduce uncertainty.

By being first, they can anticipate what comes next and feel a sense of mastery over their surroundings.

Sensory factors

Sensory sensitivities are a hallmark of autism.

Loud noises, bright lights, and unexpected touch can trigger intense discomfort.

Wanting to be first in line may help them avoid sensory overload by giving them a clear view of what’s ahead.

They may also see it as a buffer from potential sensory triggers.

Additionally, autistic children may struggle with social interactions and might feel more at ease when they are the first in line.

If you took queuing for example, that often involves eye contact or small talk, both which can be challenging for an autistic child.

Communication issues

Autistic children often face challenges in effectively communicating what they want or need.

The desire to be first could be their way of expressing a preference or asserting themselves in a situation.

It may be easier for them to convey their wishes through actions rather than words.

As parents, understanding that this behaviour is a form of communication can help you better respond to their needs.

Empathy and patience

It’s crucial for parents to approach this behaviour with empathy and acceptance.

Rather than discouraging your child from wanting to be first, try to understand the reasons behind it.

Embrace their individuality and recognise that their perspective may differ from yours.

By acknowledging their feelings and experiences, you can create a comfortable environment for them where they feel understood.

What can parents do about an autistic child who always wants to be first?

While it’s important to honor your child’s preferences, there are ways to gently guide and support them in social situations.

Here are a few suggestions;

Schedules

Create visual schedules to help your child understand the sequence of events and what to expect.

This can reduce anxiety and the need to be first.

An example of this would be using a schedule board if you are going somewhere with queues like a store/supermarket.

You could schedule out how you will choose your groceries and then you get in a queue at the cash register.

If you prepare your child in advance for a queue, they are more likely to respond appropriately.

Create social stories

Following on in the same vein as using a schedule board you can also create social stories.

Develop social stories that explain the concept of taking turns and waiting in line.

Use simple language and visuals to illustrate these situations.

You can print off images found online which demonstrate the desired behaviour.

Practice makes perfect

Parents have had success in role-playing activities at home to practice waiting in line and taking turns.

If you make it a fun and engaging it can be an interactive learning experience.

Again you could use the grocery store example using toys to represent goods. Try putting teddy bears or action figures in the ‘line’ before you.

Gradual exposure

Once you have practiced waiting in line at home, then attempt a process of gradual exposure.

Gradually introduce your child to situations where they may need to wait or take turns. Start with shorter durations and build up over time.

Using the grocery store example again, you could take your child when the store is likely to be quiet.

Ideally there would be just one person in front of you at the register. Should this experience be successful then you can evolve to going at busier times.

Reward good behaviour

Provide praise when your child displays patience or cooperates in social situations.

This can be in the form of a hug, small rewards, or preferred activities. With time your child will associate the positive behaviour with patience and waiting their turn.

Summary – Autistic child always wants to be first

Parenting an autistic child comes with its own set of joys and challenges.

By understanding the reasons behind your child’s desire to be first and implementing supportive strategies, you can help them navigate social situations and build important life skills.

Remember, each child is unique, and your patience and support will play a vital role in their development.

Try different strategies and remember it takes time to break routines which have developed into a negative behaviour.

Good luck!