Raising a child with ASD brings with it a number of difficult conversations, one of which is telling siblings about autism.

Whilst everyone will handle this in their own way, below we give you some considerations from experience.

Explaining autism

The first thing to consider is what age do you explain to a neuro-typical child that their sibling has autism.

Some may argue that the earlier the better, others might say that it’s better to wait.

If your child with ASD is much younger than any neuro-typical siblings then this decision isn’t a factor.

In those circumstances they would have likely already gathered the situation.

But if their ages are similar or the neuro-typical child is younger we believe there is a sweet spot of around four to have the conversation.

By four a neuro-typical child will be beginning to understand the world around them.

They will likely have developed a wide vocabulary and understand concepts of people needing more help.

Any younger and a child is unlikely to really understand what you are trying to tell them.

Some tips

There have been millions of families labouring over these difficult conversations over the years.

From our experience here are some things to consider;

Gently does it

Consider breaking the news over time. You don’t have to explain the intimate details of autism all in one go.

If your neuro-typical child is still young themselves it can be a lot to take in.

You could explain that their brother or sister needs a little bit of extra help for example.

Then after a couple of days you can reaffirm this stance saying “remember your brother needs more help”.

Consider language

Speaking personally I have fallen foul of using terms like autism and autistic when explaining to a sibling.

What happened for me was that my neuro-typical child took the terms and ran with them.

He ended up telling anyone he could that his sister was autistic, often at inappropriate times.

Also he went as far as giving almost on the spot diagnosis to other children he came into contact with.

“He’s autistic because he’s being naughty” my son would often say.

Choose the right time and place

Sometimes it is the obvious logistics which we can forget about.

When explaining autism to a sibling choose a comfortable and quiet environment where the conversation can take place without interruption.

Consider scheduling a time when only your neuro-typical child is present so that the environment is controlled.

This will allow you to focus on the conversation.

Explain differences and similarities

Consider highlighting the common interests, hobbies, and shared experiences between your children.

From there you can gently explain that while they have many things in common, their sibling might sometimes do things differently due to their condition.

Emphasise that these differences are what make us all unique.

You could also highlight differences elsewhere in the family. For example you could explain that “Daddy wears glasses, Mummy doesn’t have to”.

Encourage questions

Let your child know that it’s okay to ask questions and express their feelings.

Be prepared to answer their questions honestly and without judgment. Encourage them to share their thoughts and emotions.

You could say “is there anything else you would like to know?” or similar to invite questions.

Use books/videos/pictures

Like those with ASD, a lot of neuro-typical children respond well to visual aids.

Consider using pictures, diagrams, or videos to help illustrate what autism is and how it affects their sibling.

This can make complex concepts more understandable.

Summary – Telling Siblings About Autism

Explaining autism to your child is a difficult journey which you will handle in your own way.

By approaching this conversation with love and compassion, you can help your child not only accept their autistic sibling but also foster a deeper bond and connection within your family.

Remember that you’re not alone in this journey, and there are numerous resources and support groups available.

These can help you navigate the challenges and celebrate the unique qualities of your family members.

Any tips or ideas?

We would love to hear from you if you have got any techniques or ideas for our readers to try.

Be sure to leave a comment if any of the above has helped or if you have any ideas we can add to this article.

Also be sure to search for any other articles you might find helpful.

Try for example searching below for topics like ‘meltdown’ or ‘communication’.