We have written about family dynamics a lot on this site but never covered an autistic child hitting their sibling.

In the below article we will talk about what may be fueling the behaviour and what you can do.

Autism and sibling fights

Fights and breakouts of violence are certainly not limited to families with ASD in play.

Most siblings will bicker to a degree but with one child having autism it can be particularly challenging.

Here are some possible reasons for the hitting;

Communication issues

As you will undoubtedly know already, problems with communication is one of the most common traits of autism.

These struggles to communicate can often lead to outbursts by an autistic child.

When they can’t express their needs, wants, or feelings, frustration may manifest as aggression.

Putting this into a practical example, an autistic child may be becoming irritated by their sibling. It could be something as innocuous as the way they are chewing or playing.

If the autistic child cannot clearly explain to their sibling the issue, it may become increasingly frustrating.

This could ultimately lead to them lashing out.

Sensory factors

Again another common trait in children with autism is their sensory sensitivities. Put simply they often experience the world differently to the neuro-typical.

Sounds, smells and lights can make them feel uncomfortable.

If you add this to the fact there may be communication blockers then it is easy to see how they could become frustrated with a sibling.

Jealousy

Like all children, jealousy can become a factor for those with autsim. We have a separate article on the occurrence here but suffice to say there are many causes.

It could be something as simple as a parent spending extra time with the sibling. Or it could be related to mealtimes but whatever the cause it can spiral into aggression.

Breaks in routine

As we all know, routines can be incredibly important for children with autism.

But like almost anything in life, routines can’t be maintained at all times. On occasion it could be that the break to a routine is caused innocently by a sibling.

This can spike anxiety in your child with autism and lead to them becoming aggressive.

Social challenges

Social interactions can be complex and challenging for autistic children. Misunderstandings or difficulty in reading social cues can lead to aggressive outbursts.

Sometimes it is a case of autistic children just not understanding social do’s and dont’s.

Put simply they may not realise that it is not appropriate to hit their sibling.

Empathy

Empathy, or the ability to recognise and understand the emotions of others, is a complex social skill.

This is something which some autistic individuals may struggle with.

That is not to suggest for a second that autistic children are heartless monsters, more that for some empathy can be a puzzle.

Speaking personally I have often seen my daughter being confused when I have banged my head or had some similar mishap.

She won’t try and comfort me, instead she’ll just look on slightly puzzled.

What parents can do

Understanding what may be behind your autistic child hitting their sibling is one thing. Knowing what to do about it is a separate challenge.

Here are some considerations;

Explore alternative communication

If struggles to communicate are at the heart of the behaviour then consider different ways for them to get their point across.

Something like picture cards can be a game changer for families here. They have basic images which represent feelings, requests and responses.

Some parents are concerned that their child may come to rely on picture cards but in our experience that isn’t the case.

Explain autism to their sibling

A number of squabbles and disputes between siblings can be put down to one not understanding the condition.

Explaining autism and your childs unique needs to their siblings may result in less violence between the two.

For example if one is now more aware of their siblings sensory needs they may instinctively play quieter.

Or if it is broken routines which are often the trigger for the outbursts, they may be more accommodating.

Find common ground

Childhood can be very different for siblings when one has ASD.

Differences aside however you can try and improve their relationship by finding common ground.

It is likely that they have at least some interests which overlap such as computer games or particular toys.

Try to foster this relationship setting aside time for them to enjoy these shared interests together.

Teach your child about empathy

By whatever means necessary, try to explain to your autistic child that hitting a sibling is not ok.

You can consider using social stories or even teddies/figurines to show that hitting causes pain and sadness.

Use punishment

This is a suggestion which will be controversial as some parents lean away from punishment.

The criticism is often that autistic children don’t link the action and the punishment together.

If you think that your child will understand the link then consider something like a naughty step.

If they lash out towards their sibling then use a timer to make them sit on a step for a minute.

It’s important to impose this justice quickly so that they understand the reasons for the discipline.

Reward kindness and patience

Going hand in hand with the punishment you could also consider really rewarding kindness.

Say for example your autistic child shares a toy or is empathetic to their sibling, make a big fuss of them.

Provide hugs, smiles and even treats to lock in that positive reinforcement.

Summary – An autistic child hitting their sibling

Dealing with aggression from an autistic child towards their siblings can be emotionally challenging.

It is essential however to remember that your child is not often acting out of malice.

They are navigating a complex world with unique challenges.

With your understanding, patience, and the right strategies in place, you can help your child and their siblings build a stronger, more supportive relationship.

Good luck

Any tips or ideas?

We would love to hear from you if you have got any techniques or ideas for our readers to try.

Be sure to leave a comment if any of the above has helped or if you have any ideas we can add to this article.

Also be sure to search for any other articles you might find helpful.

Try for example searching below for topics like ‘meltdown’ or ‘communication’.