This post is in reaction to a request from a reader whose autistic child only lets their mum change them.

Below we explore what may be behind this dependency and crucially what can be done to break the cycle.

Autism and only letting one person change diaper

The first thing to note is that this behaviour is quite common among autistic children.

In our household my daughter would go into full meltdown should I try and change her when she was about 4.

It isn’t limited to parents either. The commenter who asked for help with this problem is a grandparent.

So what is behind this behaviour then?

Usually there are a lot of reasons behind a difficult behaviour but here we think it’s just one.

Routine and predicability

Nearly all autistic individuals have a strong preference for routine and predicability.

This can be highlighted with food preferences, favoured pastimes and crucially here, toileting.

Routines can develop very quickly, it can be just a couple of occurances for one to form.

If you are struggling with an autistic child only letting one person change them then it is likely down to an issue with routine.

Life can be stressful and difficult for autistic children so knowing sequences of events provides some reassurance.

So when they have soiled a diaper/nappy then they will instinctively look for the one person who removes this discomfort.

What to do about the problem

Breaking of habits and routines can be incredibly challenging so we won’t try and paint an image of calm waters.

With that said, rigid routines can be broken, here are some tips to consider.

Model changing diapers with the child

One way to plant the seed of compliance is to introduce the child to the concept of you changing them.

You could use toys or stuffed animals to ‘change’ diapers with the child prior to the real thing.

Consider making a game of the process and doing it together. Many dolls or toys come with diapers or you could use the real thing.

Change with the preferred person

If the child in question has a preference for a particular adult you could muscle yourself into the process.

The next time you are all together and the child soils themselves, make it is a team effort.

Naturally the child won’t allow you to fully take over but you can have a small part.

Consider applying the cream or passing the clean diaper to the preferred person.

With time try and increase the involvement you have by gradually taking a starring role in the event.

This slowly slowly process is all allowing the child to become comfortable with you being involved, whilst still having the comfort of their preferred changer.

Make it fun

Nearly all children react well to fun and games.

With that being the case you could consider installing some joviality to the changing process.

The way that you add some fun will be dependent on your personal choices. You could consider singing during the process, putting a peg on your nose or doing a spin in-between stages.

Whatever method you choose you are just trying to break the walls down until hopefully they want you to change them.

Provide some autonomy

Autistic children often react well to having a degree of control in particular events.

Now I am not suggesting for a second that we ask them to be too involved but just giving them some small choices could help.

What options could you give them?

Well it depends on your circumstances but you could ask if the child wants changing on the floor or a changing mat.

If you have got multiple different types of diaper you could hold up two choices.

It’s little harmless options like these which can help your child feel more comfortable with the impending change.

Reward progress

If the child let’s you take any part in a change then make sure you praise them for it.

Even if there has been a minor meltdown show them they have done well and provide a small reward.

This could be a sticker, a treat or even a hug if that’s something which the child likes.

Summary – Autistic child only lets one person change them

If you have an autistic child who is very particular about who they will let change them, you are not alone.

It is very common for autistic children to pick up rigid habits which are hard to break out of.

Consider a multifaceted approach to help the child become more relaxed with external participation.

It may take some time to break the routine but with patience and love you should be able to make progress.

Good luck

Any tips or ideas?

We would love to hear from you if you have got any techniques or ideas for our readers to try.

Be sure to leave a comment if any of the above has helped or if you have any ideas we can add to this article.

Also be sure to search for any other articles you might find helpful.

Try for example searching below for topics like ‘meltdown’ or ‘communication’.