Knowing how to set boundaries with an autistic friend can be a tricky area to navigate. In the below article we explore why that is the case and how to handle the situation.

Boundaries and autism

Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of any relationship.

As you may well imagine, this becomes even more significant when the dynamic involves a friend with autism.

For those unaware, autism (ASD) can affect communication, social skills, and behaviour in various ways.

This ends up making it essential to approach boundary-setting with sensitivity and understanding.

Here’s how to do it sympathetically:

Understand the condition

Before setting boundaries, it’s important to understand how autism might affect your friend.

Autism can impact how someone perceives social interactions, processes information, and reacts to sensory inputs.

This understanding will help you approach the situation with empathy and understanding.

Clear communication

Clarity is key.

People with autism often benefit from direct and straightforward communication. When discussing boundaries, use clear and specific language.

Avoid idioms or metaphors that can be misinterpreted.

It’s not about being blunt, but about being clear in expressing your needs and expectations.

Be consistent

Many individuals with autism appreciate consistency and routine.

When setting boundaries, try to be consistent in how you apply them. This predictability can make it easier for your friend to understand and respect the boundaries you’ve set.

An example of this could be if you wanted to limit the physical touch between each other for some reason.

If you explained this to your autistic friend and then the next day gave them repeated hugs then that will be confusing.

Listen to them

Give your friend the chance to express their thoughts and feelings.

Listening carefully shows that you respect their perspective and are willing to work together to find a relationship that works for both of you.

Remember, setting boundaries is not a one-way street; it’s a dialogue.

Flexibilty

Be prepared to revisit and adjust boundaries as needed.

What works today might need tweaking tomorrow. Patience is essential, as your friend may need time to adapt to new boundaries.

We appreciate this may contradict what we said about being consistent but it depends on the boundary set.

Discuss improvements

When your friend respects a boundary, acknowledge it positively, explain to them how it made you feel more comfortable.

This reinforcement can make the experience more relaxed and rewarding for both of you.

Provide alternatives

If a certain behaviour crosses your boundaries, suggest an alternative.

For example, if physical touch is uncomfortable for you, suggest expressing affection or excitement through words or a different form of contact, like a high-five.

Don’t be too ambitious

The goal is not to change who your friend is but to establish a relationship that is comfortable and respectful for both parties.

Celebrate your friend’s unique qualities while being honest about your needs.

For example if you find they talk really loud in public, don’t try and change who they are. You could just over time explain how there is a time and a place for talking loudly.

Take guidance

If you’re unsure about how to proceed, consider seeking advice from others.

Whilst respecting your friends privacy you could speak to their parents or wider circle of friends.

Perhaps if you share a teacher you could reach out to them.

Finally if you really deem it necessary, a professional who specialises in autism could help.

They can offer tailored strategies and insights based on your specific situation.

Summary – How to set boundaries with an autistic friend

Setting boundaries with an autistic friend requires a balance of clear communication, empathy, and patience.

It’s about creating an environment where both of you feel respected and understood.

Making friends can be tough for some people with autism so managing the relationship should be done so sensitively.

Remember, every individual with autism is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another.

Approach each situation with an open heart and a willingness to adapt, and you’ll build a stronger, more respectful relationship.

Any tips or ideas?

We would love to hear from you if you have got any techniques or ideas for our readers to try.

Be sure to leave a comment if any of the above has helped or if you have any ideas we can add to this article.

Also be sure to search for any other articles you might find helpful.

Try for example searching below for topics like ‘meltdown’ or ‘communication’.